Author: Araceli

U.S. of what?

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we will be arriving at our destination, Hartsfield International Airport, in approximately fifteen minutes. If everyone would take their seats and fasten their seatbelts, we will begin our descent.”

As the Captain’s voice crackled over the intercom I knew this was it. This was the moment I’d been dreading the entire flight. I was about to enter a whole new world. A country that I’d only read or heard about but never visited. At twelve years old, I was about to take my first steps onto the United States of America.

“The local time is 12 o’clock noon,” the Captain continued, “and the local temperature is 55 degrees. Upon our arrival please remain seated until we come to a complete stop.”

Wanting to get my first glimpse of American civilization, I moved towards the window on my right and pressed my nose against the cold plastic. Unfortunately, I couldn’t make out anything but the terrain below the clouds. The land was green and the temperature was almost the same, but I still had a feeling that the United States wasn’t going to be anything like Germany.

I was still thinking about all of this when my mother nudged and attempted to pry me away from the window. “Come on, its time to fasten your seatbelt.” She waited a moment and then nudged me again, but I was still lost in my own thoughts. What would this country be like? Would I fit in? “Dianna, come on. Put on your seatbelt.” Reluctantly, I pulled away from the window and fastened my seatbelt. The time had come.

* * * * *

I pulled the straps of the book bag comfortably to rest on my shoulders and stood poised at the airplane exit. Taking in a deep breath of relaxation, I waited a moment compose myself before stepping through the door and onto the stairs. I was met with the glare of the December sun. Despite the actual dimness of the light coming down, I squinted against this new brightness. Readjusting my eyes, I looked out across the horizon and took in a breath of relief. “So far, not a noticeable difference,” I mumbled to myself.

“What was that?” My dad asked.

I shrugged. “Nothing.” I took the last couple of steps down the stairs and paused before the last step. I waited a moment and finally took the plunge. My sneakers touched the hard cement and I realized that was it, the moment.

* * * * *

Upon entering the airport, I was amazed at what I saw. From outside, the airport seemed as if it could have been situated in almost any country in the world. But once I reached the inside of the airport, that all changed. What I saw were dozens of stores, lined with all kinds of merchandise I hadn’t seen before. And the best part was that everything was in English.

As I stared in wonder, my father came up behind me. “Come on, your grandmother is waiting.” And so we continued on our way.

* * * * *

After spending some time picking up luggage, we exited the baggage claim and looked around for any sign of my grandmother. There were many families waiting for their loved ones as I scanned the crowd. My gaze stopped on an old woman who was staring at me expectantly.

I was just about to take a step in her direction, when my father spoke. “There she is.” I looked to see where he was pointing and was surprised to see a different old lady standing there. It was at that moment I realized I didn’t even recognize my own grandmother. This was just one of many things I realized that day.

From there we made our way outside to the parking lot with grandmother in tow. Now, when I said that from the outside you couldn’t tell you were in a different country, well that was partly true. From the arrival side of the airport you couldn’t tell the difference, yet from the departure side this was a completely different matter.

And so I stood at the exit of the airport, or what I like to call the gate between the world I had known and this strange new world. I stood overlooking the parking lot and analyzing the many strange vehicles I had never seen before. They came in all kinds of shapes and colors, very different from Germany.

“This way.” My grandmother headed off to the right and unlocked the car. After placing all of our luggage in the trunk, we got in the car and continued on our way. We drove for a couple minutes and I finally got my first real taste of the United States.

This is the point where I truly realized my life had changed. Along the side of the road stood an oversized billboard with large black letters on a dingy white background. The billboard actually said, “Buy Marlboro Cigarettes,” but to me it said, “Welcome to the United States.”

Lifetime

I sat and waited in the airport chair sitting on what passed for cushioning. Sure, from afar it looked like comfortable cushioning, but for a lady like me, it might as well have been those wooden chairs from back in school. Those chairs were designed purposely to make your back as straight as a pole and later you would feel as if you’d been beaten with it. I still remembered those school days fondly.

I remembered the day I graduated, was married, and had three children, last of which was James. Yet, as I sat there all those memories began to come crashing down around me as I stared at the gray hair peeking out from beneath the fake brown in my reflection in the airport window. Then the greater picture set in as the old woman stared right back at me.

James was the reason I sat there reliving those same memories. The reason I was stuck waiting in these damn chairs watching planes fly off while others landed. Every time I heard the roar of a plane motor or the excitement of the people around me upon seeing their loved ones, I turned to look and see if my boy had come back to me. Then, I had to sadly remind myself that James, his wife, and my two grandchildren weren’t scheduled to arrive for another ten minutes.

And so I sat alone, still thinking about my life. The day my son was born, the day he told me he was entering the military and being shipped to another country on another continent, the day he was engaged, married, and sure enough the birth of my two grandchildren. Most of all I remembered the bad days. I remembered the day I divorced my husband and not before long the day I was visiting his grave. No longer aware of my current surroundings, my eyes grew misty and tears threatened to slide down my face.

“Are you all right, ma’am?” The young man looked at me with an expression of worry. Was he asking because I looked like the fragile old woman that I was or was it because I looked pitiful?

Ignoring his statement I turned away and wiped the tear with the back of my hand. Using my hands on the armrests to pull me up I began to slowly rise from my chair and my bones creaked in ways only I could hear and my hip let out a groan of pain. It mockingly reminded me that yes, life hadn’t turned out the way I’d imagined.

“Yes, thank you,” I replied to him. Without turning back, I slowly walked to the bathroom.

After drying my eyes for a bit and making sure the young man had gone, I exited the restroom and returned once again to the waiting area. Having stayed for so long in the restroom, I was surprised to find that ten minutes had almost passed. Instead of sitting once again, I stood watching the planes and looking for the small military plane in which my son would be arriving.

I stood there for another couple of minutes until suddenly I was watching a small out of place and camouflaged plane coming down the runway. My heart constricted and I was given a breath of fresh air. This could be the one. I continued watching, my heart pounding all the while, as the plane landed and slowly rolled to a stop.

After a couple of minutes that seemed to turn into hours, I watched as the airport personnel placed stairs against the small plane and the doors first opened after the long journey. In my days it was a wonder to visit another country, much less to live there. From what I’d seen on television, my daughter-in-law and her children might as well be come to a different planet than the United States.

A minute later people began exiting the plane and I stepped as close to the window as possible in order to get a better look. I wondered if I’d be able to notice my family out of the crowd. I hadn’t seen them in many years, except for the pictures they would occasionally send. The people continued to file out slowly, usually blinking against the glare of the sun or stretching their limbs in the fresh air after their long fight.

A couple more people filed out and suddenly a girl exited. She stood on the top stair and looked around, probably taking in the sights around her. Then, she slowly made her way down the stairs one at a time, gently and carefully. At the final stair before the ground, she paused for a moment and collected herself, then made the final step. This was my granddaughter. My suspicion was at once confirmed when a young man I recognized as my son, his wife, and his son followed. There they all stood. My family.

I rushed as quickly as I could to wait in the hallway where they’d be entering once they’d gotten their luggage. After a couple of dreadful minutes of waiting and searching down the long hallway, I saw what I’d been missing for so long. My son was walking in my direction, so much older than I remembered. And for a moment I wondered who these three other people were with him. When he’d left he was so young, and now he was much older and with a family of his own. Once again I realized time had certainly passed me by and my eyes grew misty for the second time.

Finally, my family reached me and I held them in my arms. I could feel their warmth and smell their hair. They were really there with me. They’d finally come home.

Soon, we were on our way to the vehicles so we could leave this place and make our way home. We exited to the parking lot that contained row after row of Fords, Hondas, Toyotas, and other cars you saw everyday on the roads. My granddaughter stood in awe and I smiled.

After finding my car halfway down the lot and placing the luggage in the trunk, we were then on our way. We exited the airport and as we drove down the street, I looked at them sitting dopey eyed in the rearview mirror. A lone tear of happiness slid down my face. I smiled and quickly wiped it away before anyone could notice. Everything was going to be fine now.

Obscurum Inluminare

FANDOM: Angel, Fred/Wes
SPOILERS: Season 3
DISCLAIMER: almighty Joss and Company owns Wesley, Fred, and any other characters from Angel and or Buffy.
NOTE: The title means ‘to illuminate the dark’. This is my idea of what could happen based on where we are now.

Part 1

It was something I would have never expected to happen. Something I could have never foreseen. Who would have ever thought Wesley would…

Now that I look back on it, I’m sure there must have been signs. What do people call it…hindsight bias? All those times I would see him staring at me, but I never understood how much he truly loved me. I was blind…in more ways than one.

It all started about three months ago, when Wesley first found the prophecy that said Angel would kill Connor. In the beginning Wesley had been wary of the prophecy, because as I learned after Darla, prophecies are trick things. Gunn and I were at first doubtful and too involved in ourselves that we didn’t believe him, until we saw the signs. It was at that point that Wesley decided Connor wasn’t safe at the hotel. Without talking to anyone, he fled with Connor to keep him safe, but unfortunately the world always has other plans. Sometime during the hurry to keep Angel’s son safe, Connor was taken by Holtz. Wesley had tried to do the best thing and in the process had done the worst.

Angel was angrier than I had ever seen him, and unknowingly in his grief he took it out on Wesley. For Wesley, even worse than losing Connor, was Angel’s disappointment in him. I think in that moment in his life, losing Connor, Angel’s disappointment, and losing…me was just too much and the last straw.

The next night he waited until everyone had left the hotel before he came to talk to me. “Fred?” I looked up from place on the settee as he sat down next to me. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m sorry…for everything that I…I’ve done. I hope you’ll forgive me.”

I must have smiled at him, because for a split second, one that I almost didn’t notice, his face lit up for the first time in days. “Wesley,” I started, “there is nothing to forgive. What happened wasn’t your fault. You were just trying to save Connor and help all of us, like you always do.”

He nodded and said a simple, “Yes.” I don’t think he believed me in his heart, but for my sake, he pretended he did. He gave me a hug that seemed to last a couple of seconds longer than normal, before he pried himself away.

He looked into my eyes. “I love you, Fred.” He waited for a second and watched me for a response I couldn’t give him. I couldn’t tell him what I felt in my heart. Then, as an afterthought he added, “Goodbye, Fred.”

I knew I should’ve said something, but I didn’t. I just sat there and watched as he walked away taking the guilt, grief, and weight of the world away. That was the last time I ever saw him with us. The next day he never came to work. When we went to his apartment to check on him, he was gone. Wesley had left without a trace.

The next time I saw him was a month later on the side of the enemy. I would have never believed that Wesley would side with Holtz. This new Wesley was different somehow. It seemed as if he had aged a year within a month. This was not my Wesley, the Wesley I wanted back, and the Wesley I missed dearly. That Wesley was gone.

Part 2

It’s silly how time changes your perspective on circumstances. While Wesley was still with us I never thought closely about our relationship. In self-defense after the Billy incident I kept my feelings hidden deep inside, even from myself. I kept myself enraptured only in feelings that were easy, obvious, and not what was right under my nose. First, in my hero-worship and puppy dog love of Angel, then my high school relationship with Gunn. The whole time I was lost to the other two, Wesley watched over me and waited for the turn he thought would eventually come.

Gunn told me a week after Wesley’s… decision, how much Wesley really loved me. He told me about Wesley’s conversation with him after we had gotten in trouble with the magnolia tree. He said Wesley had been really upset knowing that I could have been seriously hurt. Wesley had made Gunn promise then and there that I would never get hurt.

Hearing these words and ideas coming from Gunn made my stomach churn and my heart flutter. It was then that my heart spoke to me. For the first time I realized what love really is. Love wasn’t only admiring someone because they saved your life or gushing over someone because they paid you a compliment. Instead, love was all of these things and more. Love was when your heart ached when the other person was gone, but at the same time you were perfectly content to just be in each other’s presence. Love was caring and protecting someone above your own life. It was when seeing the other person made you dizzy and all you could see was them.

I felt like I’d had my eyes covered and now I could see again. I was now able to see everything I had looked over before. I could see the way Wes always watched over, cared, and protected me. The way his eyes lit up every time he saw me. The most wonderful thing was in his eyes I was perfect. I spent the next few days pondering my new feelings in what Cordelia called a funk, until I finally decided I couldn’t go on living a lie. I had to tell Gunn. It was hard, but it had to be done.

A month after Wesley left I awoke at the same time I had every night since I had first discovered my hidden feelings. I realized this time was completely different when I jumped out of bed and was instantly awake. I tiptoed down the hall careful not to wake Angel. I looked into Angel’s room and wasn’t surprised when I saw it empty. Angel had been going for walks as his way to release pain and brood where no one would see him. With the thought that I was now alone in the hotel my heart climbed, despite the knowledge that Angel had Lorne put a barrier spell on the hotel.

I worked my way off the last step on the stairs and followed the dim light coming from behind the hotel counter. Wesley’s office.

I stood halfway outside the door and looking halfway into the office. It was him. I watched as Wesley rummaged quietly through the books on his bookshelf. He was obviously looking for a particular book. I was so close to him, yet so far away. I yearned to speak, touch, or even look into his eyes again. He finally grabbed the book he’d been searching for and stuffed it into the satchel he had brought. He hurriedly turned around to leave and froze when he saw me standing at the door.

I stepped out of my shadow. “Wesley,” I said with a slight tremor. He just stared at me in awe, as if I was an angel and didn’t say a word. I tried again, “Wesley?”

He stepped forward to get out of the office and at the same time he tried to keep his distance. I quickly sneaked a peek at the title of the book he was taking. When I didn’t budge out of his way, he stepped back again. “Fred, move out of my way.”

“No.”

He seemed to be considering his options before he responded again. “Fred, move out of my way.” He paused before letting out the words he didn’t want to pass his lips. “Don’t make me…”

I quickly interrupted, despite the slight shaking in my fingertips. “Or else you’ll do what, Wesley?” I held my ground.

We squared off and my eyes wandered from his to take in the rest of his appearance. I needed to make sure he was fine and at the same time temporarily satisfy my own curiosity. My eyes stalled on what looked like a deep gash on his upper arm coming from underneath his shirt. He caught my gaze at what I was looking at as I reached out and touched him in comfort. He stepped back from my touch in shock and this time he was no longer afraid to get close to me. He hurried past me and out of the past he was trying to escape.

“Wesley!” I called his name hoping he wouldn’t leave me, but nothing would stop what he felt he had to do.

I turned around to face the empty room that still contained his overpowering energy. My eyes caught sight of his jacket he’d left on the chair in his hurry. I grabbed it and put it on and in the process surrounding myself with him. I went back to my room and settled into the covers. I wrapped them tightly around me. In the back of my mind I wondered if Wesley had covers wherever he spent his nights.

I thought about Wesley’s steely eyes and calculated look. The way his eyes held no emotion or feeling. The way he stared at me with no reflection of the former Wesley. Even the scar on his arm looked deep, old, and unhealed. His skin and eyes had been cold, until he repelled from my warmth and touch. It was if I had been the spell to knock him from his trance. His eyes had come alive again before me.

My eyes began to water as I recalled all the images one by one. At that point I started crying and couldn’t stop. I wrapped myself in his jacket that smelled of him and his purgatory. I cried for Wesley’s pain that I could feel on the inside and everything I couldn’t see on the outside. I also cried for myself. I cried for everything I had never told him and couldn’t anymore. Mostly I cried at the thought that the man I loved, needed, and wanted most was gone.

Suddenly, I stopped crying and wiped away the tears from my eyes onto Wesley’s jacket sleeve. Two thoughts hit my mind at the same time. First, what did Wesley need a book on alternate dimensions for?  Second, how did Wesley get past Lorne’s spell that was specifically in place to block anyone from entering the hotel who was set out to harm us?

TO BE CONTINUED…

Slowly Sinking

FANDOM: Angel, illness Fred/Wes
SPOILERS: Season 3
DISCLAIMER: almighty Joss and Company owns Wesley, look Fred, and any other characters from Angel and or Buffy.

They haunted him in his dreams.  Every night was the same… Walking from the car with Connor warmly nuzzled in his arms.  Then Justine with the knife and taking Connor away.  And then the worst…

As he lay close to death on the grass, he could feel the life drizzling out of his throat.  The sadness in his heart yearned for it.  He welcomed the end.  It was always at that time that they all showed up to stand over him.

Gunn, Fred, Angel… even Cordelia.  They were strings always tieing him to sanity and the world.  They had always been there for each other, and he had failed them.  Gunn’s string had been cut weeks ago and Angel’s had been cut when Connor was lost.  He reached out to touch them and they reached back, but they were always centimeters away.  The string between him and Cordeila was stretching and he couldn’t do anything about it.  Then, in a flash it snapped.  There was only one string left and he could feel it begin to stretch and-

Wesley awoke gasping for air and in a cold sweat.  He stumbled out of bed and into the darkness of the room.  All the blinds in the apartment had been closed tight for a week.  He blindly made his way to the bathroom before emptying what little he’d eaten the day before into the toilet.  He turned on the light and winced at the brightness.  Washing off his face he looked into the mirror.  The scar on his neck sneered back from the mirror.  Everyday he woke up to its glare.  It reminded him of the worst thing he’d ever done.

Wesley slammed the light switch off and hurried into the living room, forgetting there was another mirror there.  Once again his reflection mocked him and threatened to drive him crazy.  He could feel something surging and bubbling beneath the surface.  It wanted to take hold and scald him.  It wanted to drive him under.  It wanted to take over.

It had already tried a couple of times.  The tight watch and control he’d held since he was a child, to make sure it didn’t break through and he’d be like his father, had been unleashed in one moment.  All that work had been broken by Billy and unleashed him on who he loved more than anything.  It was at that moment he realized he was capable of the thing he most hated.  He’d gotten a taste for it then, and it had scared him to the core.  Was he a man like his father?  What kind of man was he?

Then at the ballet, when the Count had taken hold of him, It had resurfaced again.  It had been waiting near the surface since then, waiting for another chance.  It was the true evil that didn’t care when it resurfaced for the third time and attacked Lorne.  It wanted more control.  Now he knew how Angel felt, constantly fighting against an invisible force within you.  Within him.  It was within him.  It wanted to come out and drive him under.  It wanted to take over.  He wanted to let it…

It would be so much easier to let it out and not fight,.  Not care and let it drive him into darkness.  It would be so easy to be his father and give in.  Be what he feared most.

He stared at the gash in the mirror.  It bubbled beneath the surface…and erupted.  In a moment of rage he slammed his hands into the mirror.  Over and over he slammed at himself in the mirror.  He smashed the mirror into a fractured and hollow structure of what it was.  Glass flew everywhere.  A knock came from the door.  Wesley stopped pounding and stared numbly at the empty frame, except for a few jagged remains of it’s former self that still clung to the frame.

The pounding intensified.  “Wesley?”  The voice sounded vaguely familiar.  The back of his mind that still clung on told him it was Fred.  “Wesley?  Open the door.  Let me in.”  She pounded again and again.

In order to make the noise go away, he reluctantly opened the door.  Fred stood outside with an expression of worry, surprise, and shock all in one.

She looked at his hands that were dripping blood on the floor.  “Oh my god.  What did you do, Wesley?”  When he didn’t reply she grabbed his wrist and started to pull him towards the bathroom.  “Come on, we have to get you-”

“No,” he mumbled to himself.

“Wesley, we have to stop-”

“No!”  He pulled from her grasp.  “Get out.”

“Wesley-”

He grabbed a piece of glass from the floor and charged at her.  He stood poised above her.  “Get out!”

Fred jumped back in fear that was also reflected in her eyes.  She hurried out of the apartment as he slammed the door on her heels.  Wesley pressed his body up against the cool door.  He couldn’t stop shaking from the thought of what he’d just done.  He couldn’t believe it had come out again.  The piece of glass fell to the floor and his body collapsed to the ground.  It was winning…

THE END

Biology Lessons

FANDOM:  Angel, advice Fred/Wes
DISCLAIMER: These are not mine, sickness bliddy blah, stuffy scone. But they’re not Joss’ either! He’s mean to them, for now anyway.
AUTHOR’S NOTES: This story is as a result of Biology Lab and Valentine’s Day. A cross between the two.

Wesley smiled to himself and hummed to his own made-up tune as he plugged in and set up the microscope on his desk. He checked to make sure everything was perfect for his surprise. The sound of footsteps gliding down the main stairs in the lobby shocked him out of his joy. He hurried to make sure the slide was set up correctly and that the microscope was out of focus. Before she even spoke he knew she was standing at his office door. He could feel her studying him suspiciously. She knew he had something planned. When he finally looked up his mind registered on the fact that she was wearing a brand new red shirt and a pair of jeans. She was his heavenly vision.

“Was there something you wanted me to help you with? ” She smiled warmly at him and Wesley couldn’t help but blush.

“Um…Yes. ” He motioned towards the desk. She followed his gaze and moved over to peer into the microscope he had set up. As she leaned over a few loose strands of hair fell out of place and Wesley was put into a trance just watching her. He leaned in a little closer. “You may have to put it into focus. ” He spoke only loud enough so she could hear clearly. Fred nodded in understanding and reached for the focus knob.

Out of nowhere Wesley was hit with a waft of fragranced air from her movement. Suddenly he was there again, sitting beside Fred as she peered into a microscope with a slide containing Billy’s blood. A wave of nausea and fear ran through his body. Even though it had happened a little more than a year ago, he instinctively backed away from Fred and out of his trance.

A small gasp from Fred beside him sent him even further from his nightmare. “Do you see anything?” He asked cautiously.

Fred nodded as she pulled back from looking at the now in-focus heart in the microscope. “It’s so pretty, Wesley,” she said at a loss for words.

“You’re welcome, ” he grinned in response to her thanks. “It’s the gametophyte of a fern. It is the place where the fern grows into what we see or know to be a fern… ”

Fred nodded politely and just listened to him explain, then she responded. “I know what it is, ” she smiled. Wesley gave a confused look and the physics major clarified. “I did take biology in college, Wes. The fern gametophyte contains the gametes that grow into the adult plant. Kinda like the mother, ya know? It also happens to be in the shape of a heart, then you dyed it red, red being the international color of love, an’ all. ”

Wesley just stared and marveled at the woman he loved. Then he noticed that Fred had begun to move in closer to him so she was now only an inch away. With a sense of fear and apprehension still on the surface, Wesley backed away and felt his back hit the wall behind him.

“Speaking of old biology classes – well, actually, human physiology and anatomy but you get the idea – do you know that the fingertips are one of the most sensitive parts of the human body? ” She moved forward once again and lightly tickled her fingertips down his arm and with the lightest yet most seductive touch traced his palm down to his fingers causing Wesley to shiver. At the same time Wesley’s fingertips of his other hand brushed across the bare skin of her stomach.

“Well, there are other sensitive parts of the body, as well. Do you know what the most sensitive part of the body is?” Wesley, despite knowing the answer to her question, couldn’t move. Fred leaned in and brushed her lips lightly across his lips, like a ghost’s touch, leaving Wesley wanting more. Then she pulled back, her fingers laced behind his neck, and kissed him on the cheek with a shy giggle. “Thank you, I needed to brush up on biology. Have I told you that I loved you today?”

Wesley shook his head with a grin, “Not that I can recall… ”

“No? Then, I love you. Happy Valentine’s Day, Wesley. ”

THE END

The Light in the Darkness (original)

He ran in the darkness of the night with no clear idea of where he was going. The only light to guide him was the pale light of the full moon, but he ignored it.

His breathing was ragged and his heart constricted. He tripped on a fallen tree and fell face first into the darkness of the leaves and dirt on the ground. The light was extinguished and only darkness could be seen.

He choked and gagged on the darkness. The weight held him down. The more he tried to see the light, the more the darkness persisted, until it swallowed him whole. He was suffocating. There was no escape.

Suddenly, a void he didn’t know he had was filled with something that had been with him since the beginning of time, but only just found. A sense of fulfillment and wonder filled the darkness.

Like a match that was struck on the box, the world became visible in its light. The darkness was still there, but the light blocked it out.

He finally had the strength to push against the weight of the darkness. He tried, pushed, and fell down. Still he persisted and the light showed him the way.

At last his head rose above the darkness that had consumed him. The glow of the moon was there once again, and for the first time he saw what it really was. He continued on his way through the dark forest.

He knew he would stumble and trip once again, and many times after. Only now he had the moon to guide him. She was leading him to her, and to her light. She lit the path to her, and the path inside him.

Air Sonnet

In the flow of the day, a single thing lights my way:

It carries my thoughts and gives life to them,
So that others may take what I say,
And take part in the use of this precious gem.

It is the cooling force of this Earth,
And without it there would be no more.

It takes part in all life and hearth.
At its very essence, it is the core.

Its breeze blows, but never shows,
Invisible, but not soon forgotten.

Inside, outside, above, and below,
It goes, and it comes, in and out of all men.

This that is known, but no one sees,
The Air’s mighty power, is also the gentlest breeze.

On the Sea

FANDOM: Buffy, for sale Willow/Oz
SPOILERS: Season 4
DISCLAIMER: Oz and Willow belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc
NOTE: Named for ANOTHER Vertical Horizon song, On the Sea. You can look up stones and their meanings here:
http://www.brightnewdawn.com/private/crystal_cavern.htm

~*Part 1*~

Thoughts in * *.

November 14, 1999

Willow stood in her boyfriend’s room, leaning against the wall, crying. Outside she could hear his van’s engine start, then cut off. She had a renewal of hope, and she held in her crying and sorrow for the hope that he was coming back. Her world exploded when she realized he really was leaving, when the van started again, and she could hear it leaving down the road.

She slowly took a look around his room. Everything reminded her of him, and events they had shared. Pictures of when they had gone to the beach with Cordelia and Xander almost a year ago. A ticket from their first date to the movies. A guitar pick.

She had to escape she had to get out of there. Too many memories were exploding in her head, and pain came with them. She fell to her knees crying on his bed. She took a deep breath, and inhaled the scent of Oz. It just made her cry harder. Willow quickly got up and ran, she opened the door and ran down the stairs. She had to get out of there. A thought replayed over and over in her head. *I love him, and now he’s gone. I love him and now he’s gone. I love him and now he’s gone…*

~~~~~~

December 11, 1999

Oz sat on a bench and finished off his lunch for the day. He threw the rest in the garbage can. He wasn’t very hungry. It was two weeks before Christmas, and instead of being with Willow, he was in Tibet. Even though he wasn’t with her physically, his mind was all Willow. All his thoughts today had been going to Willow.

Oz walked down the street of the market place. He eyed the little stores, and stopped at a stand with beautiful hand woven fabric. *Willow would love that.* He pointed and asked the woman ‘how much’, and was surprised when she answered in broken English. She gave an outrageous price, and Oz shook his head.

He started to turn around, when the woman grabbed his arm. “Trade?” She asked.

Oz stopped. “For what?”

“Record? Like this?” She pointed to an old rock and roll record.

Oz smiled. “Sure. I’ll be back later.” The woman nodded. *I knew that Radiohead record would come in handy.*

Oz continued down the road taking in the different products in the market. It had been almost two weeks since he had settled in, and sent for his stuff from Devon. He hoped Willow was doing okay, and he hadn’t hurt her more when his stuff suddenly disappeared.

A voice interrupted his thoughts as he continued walking along. “Sir?” He turned to see a woman behind a table of herbs and a fire. “Burn an herb for a friend, relative?”

Oz shook his head. “No, thank you.” He turned around and continued walking.

“For a girlfriend far away?”

Oz stopped in midstep and turned around and walked up to the table. The woman smiled warmly and mischievously. “My name is Aradia.”

“How much?”

“For you? Free.” Oz couldn’t believe it. “What do you want for your lady friend? Love?”

Oz said the first thing that came to mind. “Happiness. I just want her to be happy.”

The woman nodded. She handed him an herb. “Cypress.” Then she handed him a stone. “Bloodstone, you keep, after throw herb into fire.” (Author’s Note: Cypress is for happiness, or peace. But bloodstone isn’t. So, what is it for then? Look it up. Link to look it up, available in disclaimer above. Pay attention to 5th paragraph.)

She grabbed his hand and covered it with hers. “Close your eyes.” Oz looked into her eyes and swore he saw stars of knowledge in them. He slowly closed them. “Now see her face.” Oz imagined Willow and all his love for her. “Now open eyes and throw herb into fire.”

Oz tossed the herb, and it landed right in the middle. A puff of yellow smoke exploded out. Everyone in the market place turned to look, and then hid away. Oz looked back at the woman, Aradia, and she was gone.

******

Elsewhere, in Sunnydale, Willow sits on the floor of a soda room. Tara grabs Willow’s hand and they interlock fingers. The soda machine spins and blocks the door. They look into each other’s eyes. Willow has a feeling. A feeling she had missed since Oz left.

~~~~~~

March 20, 2000

Oz started the car and drove, trying to get as far away as he could. He looked at the bloodstone still on his dashboard from the day he got it. He couldn’t bear to look at it. Willow was happy, it had done what he wanted. He stared through the car window at the road in front of him. All he saw was the world like paintings, just images going by. A tear rolled down his cheek. A tear of loneliness and abandonment. She wanted someone else. And at that moment he realized two things were true still. He still wanted her to be happy. But he needed her. Nothing else mattered.

~*Part 2*~

March 19, 2001

Oz opened the door to his apartment, went in, and locked the door. He threw the keys on the floor next to the lamp table. He quickly shrugged out of his work uniform, until he was down to his boxers, and threw it to the floor along with his keys.

He went into his room, and grabbed a clean shirt from the bed, and went back to the living room. He glanced at the clock. 1 AM Oz groaned. God, he was so tired. He went to the fridge and grabbed a beer, took a long sip, and set the empty bottle on the lamp table. He laid down on the couch, and instantly fell asleep.

******

Willow grabbed Tara’s hand and pulled her along smiling. She closed the door to Tara’s room. They kissed sweetly, and Willow smiled.

“Are you okay? With this?”

Tara nodded. “A…a bit nervous.”

Willow pulled Tara to sit on the bed beside her. “It’ll be okay. I love you.” She started tracing circles on Tara’s hand.

Tara whispered. “I love you, too.” She took the initiative and moved forward and they kissed. Willow and Tara moved backwards onto the bed.

~~~~~~

March 20, 2001

Oz slowly opened his eyes to the light pouring in through the window. He blinked, as he got up and swayed. He had a killer headache. He stumbled along to the kitchen, and grabbed a glass of water, and an aspirin.

He glanced at the clock beside the couch, as he put the cup in the sink. Instead he spotted the framed picture he kept of Willow and himself. *Exactly a year…* He went over and pushed the frame to the ground and out of sight. *Maybe I can get some more sleep in.* He laid back down on the couch, and tried to will himself back to painless sleep.

~*Part 3*~

March 20, 2001

Oz was awakened at the sound of the door to his apartment being pounded on.

“I’m coming!” He opened the door and found one of his coworkers at the door.

“Hi. I thought I’d come by, and… Are you working today?” He shook his head. “You want to go out for lunch?”

Oz sighed. “Solace… I can’t…”

She interrupted. “Why not? You don’t have a girlfriend… Do you?”

Oz shook his head. “No.”

“Then come on…” She grabbed his hand, and Oz felt something he hadn’t felt in over a year. “Please?”

Oz nodded. “Okay.” He opened the door and let her in. “Wait here.”

He grabbed his uniform, and keys from the floor and made his way to his room, and bathroom. Solace took the opportunity to look around. She spotted the beer bottle on the table, and then noticed that seven more were in the trash can.

*I didn’t know he drank.* She thought to herself. *He seems so nice, really quiet.* She smiled to herself. *And such a cutie.*

She continued looking around, and noticed everything was clean and in its place. Unusual for a guy.

Ten minutes later Oz was ready. “So, where do you want to go?” She asked him.

Oz thought for a moment. “Wherever you want.” It was time for him to get on with his life.

******

Solace took a sip of her soda. “So…” What could she say? “Where did you live before here?”

“Uh… Sunnydale.”

“Oh! I know that town. Isn’t that the town, that mysteriously went quiet two Christmas’ ago?”

Oz shrugged. “I guess so. I’m not sure. I wasn’t there at that time.”

“Oh. Where were you?”

Oz went silent. “Traveling.”

Solace decided not to question him any further. It was obvious he didn’t want to talk about it. “Ready to go?”

Oz noticed he was alienating her. But he just couldn’t tell her, yet. “Actually, you want to go watch a movie?”

She smiled. “Sure.” She grabbed his hand, and they both went together.

******

They stood together, at Oz’s front door. “So, I had a great night. How about you?”

Oz nodded. “It was good. I want to thank you for it. For getting me out. I had fun.”

She smiled. “That’s great. Do you want to…again tomorrow?”

“Okay.”

“Well, I guess that’s it. I’ll call you tomorrow. Thanks for going out with me, Oz.” She walked down the hall, and turned around the corner.

Oz felt happy. For once, in a long while. He thought he had found someone else. Someone not Willow.

~*Part 4*~

March 20, 2001

Evening

Oz closed the door as he watched Solace walk down the hall. He was floating on cloud nine. He hadn’t been this excited about a girl since, Willow. Solace was great. It was a chance to start over with someone, to not let the things that went wrong with Willow, happen again.

Oz looked at the fridge, then at the couch. *No, not anymore.* He walked to the back of the apartment and his bedroom. Oz wasn’t going to sleep on the couch anymore.

******

March 20, 2001
Morning

Willow woke up and looked over at Tara soundly sleeping. It reminded her of when she used to watch Oz sleep, and he used to watch her. He had always slept with his arms around her, holding her close. Afraid to let go, in case she might leave him. *And I did.* Willow suddenly felt sad. *I was his world, and I left him when he tried to make everything better…for us.*

“What are you thinking about?”

Willow suddenly came back to reality. “I…About you sleeping.” She lied. “You looked so cute.”

Tara smiled, and leaned in for a kiss. Willow went with the flow, but thoughts of Oz were on the back of her mind. *What is wrong with me? I’m with Tara now.* Then she suddenly realized. Everything felt different. She had been with Tara for a year, and she still had the same feelings for her, that she had when she met her. Nothing had changed. But last night had opened something, last night had made her mind clearer. Something was definitely different between Tara…and Oz.

“Willow? I…I need to tell you something.” Willow looked her in the eyes. “I’m going to be gone for a couple weeks. I’m going to this Wicca camp for spring break. I signed up for it last year.”

“How long?”

“Three weeks.” Willow nodded. “So, you don’t mind?”

Willow shook her head. “No, go. Show them how it’s done…” Willow instantly regretted those words, as they brought her back to Oz, and their last night.

~*Part 5*~

Three Months Later

June 25, 2001

Oz and Solace sat together on the beach looking out at the water. Oz was happy, happier then he had been the first month she had known him. She could sense it. Their relationship was moving on so many levels.

Oz was finally moving along, and he knew it. He was moving past Willow. As much as he hated to admit it, she was becoming a thing of the past. There was differences between Willow and Solace, and he loved them both. But with Willow it seemed like their relationship was written in the stars, but she didn’t want him, and now it was over. Their relationship was moving so much faster than his and Willow’s had ever done. And he wasn’t sure if all those things made it better or worse.

She nudged him in the shoulder. “Oz? What are you thinking about?”

Oz turned to look at her with a smile on his face. “Our relationship. You.”

She smiled playfully. “And how is it? Do you like it?”

Oz nodded. “Yeah.” He leaned over and they kissed sweetly. Oz’s hand brushed her stomach, and she laughed against his lips. Oz pulled back. “What?”

“That tickles.” Oz smiled, and reached for her stomach again, but she squirmed out of the way. She jumped up. “You’ll have to catch me first!” She yelled as she ran down the beach.

Oz stood up. “You know I’ll get you.”

He took off running after her down the beach. After a couple of minutes she tired down, and Oz caught up.

“Okay. I give up.” She lifted her hands up, so her stomach was visible below her shirt. “Go ahead.”

Oz looked at her stomach, then looked at her face. He looked her in the eyes. All of a sudden, everything became clear. For both of them. They both stepped forward, and lips met lips. Solace pulled him to the sand with her, and Oz didn’t oblige. Lips were on lips. His hands were on her back…everywhere. They were lost in the moment.

Suddenly, Oz felt different. Out of mind, out of body. Then, he realized it was night, it was also a full moon. What if he was wolfing out? He had to stop, he had to get away from her. He couldn’t hurt her, like he had hurt Willow.

Oz pulled away. “What…What’s wrong?”

“I…I have to go. I can’t…”

Solace looked at him upset. “Is it me?”

Oz was quick to reply. “No.”

“Is it your old girlfriend?”

“No. It’s me… I just can’t…not now.”

He stood up and took off. Why did it always have to curse him? Everywhere he went.

He could hear Solace running after him. “Oz! Wait!”

He stopped. “I need you to leave me alone. I’m dangerous. I can’t…”

She shook her head an interrupted him. “I won’t. That may have worked on your old girlfriend. But I won’t let you do this alone. You need help, and I will help you. You just have to tell me what’s wrong. Please?” Her voice broke. “Oz… I love you. I don’t want to lose you.”

She stepped up and wrapped her arms around him. Oz laid on her shoulder. He needed someone.

~*Part 6*~

A Week Earlier – than the last part, 😉
June 18, 2001

Willow slowly knocked on Tara’s door. She had to do this. She couldn’t take it much longer.

“Willow. It’s great to see you.”

Willow stepped in, and they hugged. Then, Willow broke the silence. “Tara… We need to talk.”

Tara’s face quickly went sad. “Okay. A-about what?”

Willow sighed. “Tara… I…I’m sorry. But I want to break up.”

“You still think about him…don’t you?”

Willow nodded. “I’m sorry. But our relationship just isn’t what I thought it was. I do love you. But I’ve found out that I’m not in love with you. Do you understand?”

Tara nodded. “Yeah.” Tears fell down her cheeks. “I understand.”

“Tara, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that I’ve led you on for so long. I wasn’t sure myself what I wanted. We can still be friends, right?”

“I’m glad you’ve realized it. I saw it a long time ago, but I just… I love you, and I knew you would find out on your own.”

“Thank you.”

“What are you going to do now?”

“I’m going to find Oz.”

******

When Buffy came home, Willow was already packing.

“Willow? Where are you going?”

She didn’t even look up. “I’m going to find Oz.”

“How…”

“I broke up with Tara. And I called Devon. He says Oz has been living in LA”

“Wait… Slow down. Why did you break up with Tara?”

“I… I still love Oz. I love Tara, too. But I’ve realized it’s not the same. I love Tara…like I love you. I just needed to realize that. I needed time.”

Buffy nodded. “So, now you’re going to find Oz? What if he’s already moved on?”

Willow looked her in the eyes. “I don’t know.”

~*Part 7*~

A week after Willow leaves Sunnydale.

June 25, 2001

“So, this is her?” Solace asked as she looked at a picture of Oz and a pretty red head. “This is Willow?” Oz nodded. “You guys look so much in love.”

Oz could feel his heart breaking all over again. “Yeah.”

“So, what happened?”

Oz sighed. He was going to have to tell her sooner or later. “From the beginning?”

Solace smiled. “Preferably.”

Oz nodded. *It’s going to be a long night.*

******

“So… So, you’re a werewolf?” It was hard to believe.

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“Listen. If you want to break up, or want me to leave you alone. I…I can do that.”

Solace looked at him confused. “This doesn’t change anything. I wanted to know about your life. I want to be able to help you.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. But Oz, what happened with you and Willow. It wasn’t your fault. You loved her, and if you hadn’t been a werewolf, I know it would have never happened between you and Veruca. You said yourself you couldn’t stop. That doesn’t sound like you were in control. It wasn’t your fault.”

“I wish I could believe that.”

Solace looked at him sadly, and placed her hand on top of his. “It’s true.” Then, she kissed him slowly on the lips, and pulled back. “I love you, and I’m not worried. I know you.”

“I love you, too.”

“I know.”

Oz suddenly felt like the shy one in the relationship. “And I want to show you how much…”

Solace stopped and shook her head. “Oz, you don’t have to. I understand. I’m ready, but I don’t want to push you into anything. You still need time.”

“I’m done with time. I’m ready, and you’re ready.”

******

Oz woke up in his bed to a banging on his front door. Someone was sleeping next to him. He slowly got out of bed, grabbed his pants, and put them on. He opened the door, and was shocked.

“Willow?”

“Oz.” Willow hugged him. “I’m glad I found you.”

Then, she froze and looked behind him. Oz turned around and saw Solace. She was wearing his boxers and his T-shirt.

“Oh my god. I’m…I’m sorry.” She realized what this meant. Willow turned around, and ran back down the hall.

Oz turned to look at Solace and then ran after Willow. He caught up to her in the lobby, and grabbed her by the arm. “Willow, wait.”

Willow pulled out of his grasp, and turned around. She had tears running down her face. “How could I have been so stupid?” She thought to herself.

“Willow? What are you doing here?”

“I came for you. I broke up with Tara.” Willow argued with herself. “How could I have thought you’d just be waiting for me?”

“Why Willow?”

Willow broke out. “Because I love you, Oz. I was just too stupid to realize it. All that time you were gone, I thought you were never coming back. So, I tried to move on, I tried to find someone else. I confused myself with actually loving Tara, and being in love with her. And then… when you came back, I thought I wanted her. I knew her. I didn’t know you. I forgot what we had…what we have. I was confused…and scared that for once, I didn’t know who you were. We’d both changed. But it doesn’t matter now.” Willow turned around and ran out of the building.

Oz walked back to his apartment, and met up with Solace coming out. She was fully dressed.

“Where are you going?”

Solace sighed. “Oz, you need to be with her. I can tell you still love each other. And you don’t know it, yet, but you’re relationship is meant to be.” Oz looked into her eyes and saw stars of knowledge in them. She leaned over and whispered in his ear. “She’s ready for you.” Then, she kissed him lightly on the lips. “I love you, Oz. Bye.”

She went around the corner, and left him forever. Oz lay his forehead on the wall sadly. “Damn.”

~*Part 8*~

June 26, 2001

Willow threw everything into her suitcase as fast as she could. She was hurt. She wasn’t going to go through this again. Thinking about him, knowing he couldn’t be with her. It was just like when he left almost two years ago… She had to get out of there, and back to Sunnydale. Where could she go where she wouldn’t remember him? Fresh tears fell down her face as she remembered what she had seen this morning. Oz had moved on, right when she really wanted him. She felt selfish. How could she just expect him to wait for her forever…she hadn’t.

Willow looked around the room to make sure she had everything, and left. She walked down the hallway to the elevator, and set her suitcase down. She heard someone pounding on doors down the hall, and then yelling. She turned around and went to see what was going on. Oz was down the hall knocking on doors, asking for her. Through everything he still wanted her.

**No fog clear in the moonlight
The stars shine so bright now’s the time**

“Oz, stop.”

He turned at the sound of her voice. “Willow?”

“What are you doing?”

Oz was confused. “Looking for you.”

She shook her head. “Oz, don’t do this. You have someone else, someone who loves you.”

“I love *you*.”

**I close my eyes – soft wind touch my face
Cool sand upon the place where I once kissed you**

“No. You can’t just give up everything…”

Oz interrupted her. “Solace broke up with me.”

Willow stopped and looked at him, sadly. “Why?”

“She said we were still in love with each other. That we’re meant to be.”

**And held you close
Now I will reach for the stars
Because Oh my love, that’s where you are**

She could hear the determination in his voice. “Meant to be?” She looked at him, feeling sad that he still believed they could be together. “How can that be? All the things we’ve gone through, that have pushed us apart. And you still believe…in us?”

“You don’t?” She shook her head fiercely, trying not to let him see what she actually felt inside. “Why are you trying to push me away?”

“I-I’m not.” She tried to hold her ground.

Oz looked her in the eyes. “You are.”

**Though the storms of black night rage on
I still see your face
I still feel your lips on mine
And though my heart feels all alone without you
I still hear you sing to me
I still hear your voice on the sea**

She didn’t know what to say. “Good-bye, Oz.” She stepped into the elevator, and the doors closed behind her. As soon as she was free from his sight, she let all the emotion go. *I won’t ever see him again…* A few tears slipped down her cheeks. The elevator dinged to alert her that she was in the lobby. She quickly wiped away her tears, so they weren’t visible. Out of the elevator she went straight to the front desk to sign out. She had to use all of her strength to not turn around and run back upstairs.

** Waves crash break the silence
Gulls cry a song of lament
I walk on through the stormy night
The air cries flash of anger
Dark night enshrouds the stranger all alone without you
Now I will reach for the stars
Because Oh my love, that’s where you are **

Oz watched the elevator doors close. It was happening again. He was losing her, again. He wouldn’t let her go this time. She had come to him. Even if she wouldn’t admit it. They needed each other. He had to go after her. Oz ran to the emergency stairs.

“Willow!” She wouldn’t turn around. “Willow, wait. Please.”

**Lay you, lay you down
Lay you, lay you down
Lay you, lay you down
Lay you, lay you down
Lay you, lay you down
Lay you, lay you down
Lay you, lay you down
Lay you, lay you down**

He grabbed her by the shoulder and spun her around. He stood looking at her. Waiting. She stood looking at him. Waiting. There were both waiting for an eternity, for someone to make a move.

He hesitated for a moment, and leaned into a full force kiss. God, it had been so long. Everything he hadn’t done with her for two years came in full passion. His arms wrapped around her and he pulled her tightly against him. In the back of his mind he realized she wasn’t pulling away, and that was good. This was the way everything was supposed to be. After a minute they slowly parted, and looked around. Everyone in the hotel was looking at them.

“Oz?” Willow called him.

“Hm..?”

“I still haven’t turned in my room key.” Oz turned around eyeing her. What was she suggesting? She leaned over and whispered in his ear, softly. “You want to go upstairs?”

Oz blushed behind his ears and nodded. Willow smiled. Oz was back, and their relationship was back. They both hurried hand in hand up to her room.

******

Next Morning
June 27, 2001

**No fog clear in the moonlight
The stars shine so bright now’s the time
I close my eyes – soft wind touching my face
Cool sand upon the place where I once kissed you
And held you close
Now I will reach for the stars
Because Oh my love, that’s where you are**

Willow lay in Oz’s arms. She felt warm, tingly, and completely safe. Oz was still asleep, but she liked watching him sleep. Her eyes caught on a green stone with red flecks tied on a leather cord around his neck. She hadn’t noticed it when they had been busy…with other things… She sat up, careful not to wake him. It looked like a bloodstone.

A voice startled her out of her thoughts. “It’s a bloodstone.”

Willow smiled. “Good morning. Or is it afternoon?”

Oz pulled her back down with him. “Afternoon.”

“Where did you get it?” She asked, looking at the green stone.

Oz looked at it as if it reminded him of something sad. “A woman in Tibet offered to burn an herb for me, and let me keep this stone as part of it.”

“What did you burn an herb for?” Willow asked curious.

**Though the storms of black night rage on
I still see your face
I still feel your lips on mine
And though my heart feels all alone without you
I still hear you sing to me
I still hear your voice on the sea **

“I burned it for you.” At Willow’s look, he clarified. “It was almost Christmas, and I wanted to come back to you, but I knew I wasn’t ready. I thought you would be sad, missing me. And I wanted you to be happy. So, I burned a cypress herb for you.”

Willow nodded. “What did you use the bloodstone for?”

Oz didn’t understand. “Happiness…”

Willow shook her head. “Cypress is for happiness, but bloodstone isn’t.”

“I don’t know. Aradia said…”

“Aradia?” Oz nodded. He could see Willow was surprised at something, and thinking. He grabbed her hand, and she looked him in the eyes. “Aradia is…uh…the protectress of Witches. And…bloodstone it’s used a lot to…to renew relationships…help them flourish. Aradia…she didn’t do anything strange, or…”

“She disappeared.”

Willow smiled. “Wow. She must’ve helped me figure out what I really wanted…” She trailed off, and sat next to him. “Oz? I..I need to tell you something. Before you left..I was ready to be with you forever. I loved you. But, I was unsure and scared that maybe I was missing something. That maybe I was supposed to be with someone else. I didn’t want any regrets.” She paused to see what he was thinking. She was hurting him. She knew if she didn’t continue, she wouldn’t be able to finish. “Then, Tara came along, and I felt strongly about her. As strong as our relationship. I had to take the chance and see if my relationship with Tara would work. I never meant to hurt you, but now…I’m ready for you. No regrets.”

**Though the storms of black night rage on
I still see your face
I still feel your lips on mine
And though my heart feels all alone without you
I still hear you sing to me
I still hear your voice on the sea….**

“Are you sure?” He asked sadly.

“Yes. I guess…Aradia helped us out? We should thank her.”

“Later.” Oz grabbed her around the waist and pulled her back down on top of him as Willow laughed. “We’re busy right now.”

THE END

Calm Before the Storm

FANDOM: Buffy, shop Willow/Oz
SPOILERS: Season 3, order set after Graduation
DISCLAIMER: Oz and Devon belongs to Joss Whedon, link Mutant Enemy, etc.

*Summer Before College*

Willow lay under the covers in the arms of her completely naked boyfriend.

She smiled. “I like this.” Oz stroked her arm. “Being warm with you… Feeling completely loved.” Oz’s arm went down further… “Oz!” She blushed, and he looked at her innocently. She smiled at him, then her expression got serious. “O-Oz?”

He looked at her. “Hm?”

“Do..Are you…Are you afraid of going to college?”

“A little nervous.” He paused, and looked her straight in the eyes. “Are you?” Willow nodded. “Why?”

Willow sat up, and sat next to him. “I…I don’t want to lose you.”

Oz looked at her confused. “Why would you lose me?”

“It’s just…college. What if you…find someone else…someone better?”

Oz looked at her, his face completely neutral. But she could see what he was feeling. “There is no one else. I love you.”

“Well…well, what if I find someone else?” Oz just looked at her. “Right. And I love you.” She laid back down in Oz’s arms. “So, we’ll always be together?”

Oz nodded. “Always.”

“And I’ll never lose you?”

“Never.”

Willow kissed him on the chest. “You promise?”

“Promise.”

Willow nodded. “Good.” She could feel her eyes water. “Cause I never want to lose you.”

THE END

Alone Without Love

FANDOM: Buffy, ailment Willow/Oz
SPOILERS: Season 2
DISCLAIMER: Oz and Devon belongs to Joss Whedon, more about Mutant Enemy, etc.

1994-1995
Oz’s Freshman Year
Day Before Last Day of School

“Oz!  Hey, Oz!  Wait up!”  Oz turned around from walking home, and was surprised to see Devon.  “I wanted to talk to you about an idea I came up with today.”

“Devon, if it’s anything like what I think it is, I’m not doing it.”

“I was thinking of starting a band.  I could sing, you could play your guitar.  What do you think?  Are you in?”

Oz nodded.  “Let me think about it some more, but I think I’m in.”

Devon smiled.  “Great.”

******

“So, Mom.  I’m really excited about this new idea.  I’ve been playing guitar for a while, and Devon suggested we start a band.”  Oz smiled as he sat down next to his Mom.”  With him singing of course, and I think…”

His dad interrupted.  “Would you shut up about music, and the band?!  I’m so sick of hearing you talk about music this and music that.  You are such a loser.  Don’t you ever go out?!  Or have any friends?!”

“Well…I do sometimes…but I like having my space.  Doing things on my own time.”

He looked to help from his mother, and she stepped in.  “You’re never going to make it anywhere in life.”  Oz closed his mouth and stayed silent taking it all in.  Maybe he was a loser.  He’d heard it enough he was starting to believe it.

He just broke, and stood up.  “I have friends, just because I don’t hang out with them after school, doesn’t mean they don’t exist.  Why can’t you just leave me alone with what I like to do?  I mean I wasn’t taking to you, I was talking to Mom.”

He regretted the words the instant they left his mouth.  His father stood up, and hit him across the face.  Oz fell and hit the wall.  “Who do you think you are, you smart mouthing child?  You DO NOT talk to me that way!  One day you are going to make me so mad, I might have to beat you to death.”

Oz receded into the corner of the wall.  But the last sentence his father had said triggered something in him, and he had to speak.  He stared his father straight in the eyes.  “And if you do that.  I’ll make sure you go to jail.”

That was the last straw, his father cracked beyond repair.  He stormed up the stairs, and Oz knew where he was heading.  He had to hide somewhere.  There had to be somewhere to go.  He went to the opposite side of the house from the stairs.

“Mom, please help me,”  he begged.

His Mom shook her head.  “I’m not helping you.”

Oz knew there was no where to hide, he just bended over in the far corner of the room, and waited.  Seconds passed by that seemed like hours.  Then, finally he felt something sting on his back, and he could feel it again, and again.  He tried to shut himself off, go out of body.  Anything.  Then, finally he realized there was no more pain, only numbness.  He ran upstairs and into his room, hoping to get out of the thickness of sorrow that was in the room.  He ran into his room, and collapsed on the bed.

He broke into tears.  “Where are you?!  Where are you when I need you the most?!”  He screamed in his mind.  “I need someone to love me, where are you?!”

Oz cried, and then he just lay there, a zombie.  In his isolation he could hear everything.  He felt that if an ant died outside his window, he would hear it.  But something else caught his attention.  A gentle laughter rose up the stairs, around the corner, and into his room.  It was taunting him.  His parents were laughing about something on television.  They had no clue at the absolute horrible pain they had just caused him.  To them it was a memory of already a distant past.  To him it was a memory for always.

Moments later his father came in, and gave him a soft kiss on the head good night.  He was sure that to any other child, they would have felt loved, but he felt betrayed.  Oz cried himself to sleep.

******

“So, have you decided?”

“What?”

“Have you decided?  Do you want to join the band?”

“No, I can’t.”  Oz started to walk away.  He had other things on his mind.

Devon protested.  “But yesterday you said you were almost sure you were going to say yes.”

Oz stopped, for a second and had an idea.  This would give him something to do, a reason to stay out of his house.  “Okay, I’m in.”

“Great.”

“So, what do you think the name for the band should be?”

Oz thought about some movies, television shows, but the only thing that would refuse to leave his mind was his parents, and a documentary he had watched in biology class today for the last day of school.  Something about the animals of Australia.  The only part he could really remember was the hungry look of two dingoes that had eaten a baby.  His parents had eaten his childhood, and he had to grow up fast.

“How about Dingoes Ate My Baby.”

Devon smiled.  “I like it.”

******

Being with the band had fatefully led him to the love of his life, Willow.  And for a while he was completely happy.  He had found the person he called out to that one-day freshman year.  But then she had left him…  He felt like he was cursed.  Everyone he had ever opened up to and loved, had eventually turned their back on him.  There was nothing in the world for him.  He felt alone without love.

THE END